


Quackity Dies

by alt_kori, GalaxyLunaG



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Arson, Attempted Murder, Crack, Crack sometimes serious but not really, Death, Dream mlg waterbuckets irl, Fundy get's attacked in a 7/11, Gen, It's not that graphic I promise it's just that Quackity dies and it's a major character death, Jschlatt mourns his friend, Karl Dream and Jschlatt are all cops, Karl loves Monster Energy, Murder, Quackity dies at the beginning, Subway Get-Away, Technoblade's a literal god, The dirty crime boys run from the law, They steal a hotdog machine, Tommy and Tubbo are dirty crime boys too, Tommy's a gamer, Wilbur's a dirty crime boy, he thrives off of doritos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alt_kori/pseuds/alt_kori, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyLunaG/pseuds/GalaxyLunaG
Summary: On the way to a convention in the south, Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur have a surprise run-in with Quackity. Antics ensue.
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Jschlatt, Alexis | Quackity & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Alexis | Quackity & TommyInnit, Alexis | Quackity & Wilbur Soot, Clay | Dream & Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Floris | Fundy & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Floris | Fundy & TommyInnit, Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot, Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Jschlatt & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Karl Jacobs & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Karl Jacobs & TommyInnit, Karl Jacobs & Wilbur Soot, Quackity & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 19
Kudos: 48





	1. Off the Rails

**Author's Note:**

> Luna wrote the first paragraph and I wrote the 2nd, then we used that pattern for the entire story lmao

The sound of tires bouncing across the pavement echoed in the air on the empty road. Three people were sitting in a car, unaware of what was going to go down later that night. For now, all was blissful, all was peaceful. In the driver’s seat was Wilbur, a 23 year old man who had decided to take two teenagers with him on a road trip to a convention in the South. In the backseat was Tubbo and Tommy, both rowdy 16 year old’s. The night was dreadfully quiet, with no other cars driving down the road at the time. Lights only came from Wilbur’s car, leaving everything else in a dark glaze. 

Wilbur was driving just below the speed limit, not willing to break any laws. “AYO BIG MAN WILBUR, WHY ARE WE GOING SO SLOWWWW,” Tommy agonizingly groans, complaining with a trace of boredom in his voice. “I’m not going to break the law, Tommy.” Wilbur grits his teeth, already regretting bringing this child with him. “Wilbur’s right, Tommy… You’re being a little impatient, don’t you think?” Tubbo scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “C’MON MATE, WHY WE GOTTA BE SLOW!! NOBODY’S EVEN ON THE ROAD WITH US, IT DOESN’T MATTER!” His voice had a very thick british accent. “Just turn the radio on and chill out, you bastard!” Wilbur yells. “Alright, can someone pass the aux cord?” Tubbothy chimes in, trying to defuse the situation. Tommy gives his friend the aux cord.   
“I did my best to type this,” Tubbo turns on a playlist all too familiar to the three boys. The very iconic 9 notes stand out, and everyone starts singing. “BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BOW WOW WOW~” Tommy starts them off. “HOW DOES A BASTARD, ORPHAN SON OF A-” Wilbur continues. “And a scotsman, dropped into the middle of a forgotten spot,” They all sing in unison, even if Tommy and Tubbo sound like dying bats. “AIGHT, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE MATE, YOU’RE DRIVING TOO SLOW!!” Tommy takes the wheel from Wilbur, and steps on the gas pedal as hard as he can. 

The wheels of the car start to swerve on the payment, causing Wilbur to slightly panic. “Tommy, give me back the wheel!” He tries to grab the wheel. In the scuffle, a slight silhouette was seen coming up the road. However, neither Tommy nor Wilbur noticed it until it was too late. In the backseat, Tubbo yelled out “LOOK OUT!”. The car crashed into the person coming up the road, causing their body to fly off the car. Wilbur stepped on the breaks as hard as he could, leaving dark tire marks into the ground. Everyone in the car was dead silent, as Tommy slowly sunk back into his seat. “Tommy… what did you do” Wilbur said in a quiet soft tone. Tommy was completely absent behind his eyes, unable to grasp what had just unfolded. “I-I don’t know”. Tubbo was shaken, his body trembled with fear. With no other options left, Wilbur got out of the car, the other two following shortly. Walking over to the body felt like an eternity, with no idea if they were alive or dead. As the group got closer, a gasp came from Tommy’s mouth. Their eyes settled on the body, recognizing who it was. “It’s Alex….” Wilbur whispered to the sky, knowing no one else would hear it. Tommy kneeled down onto the ground, his face in his hands, unable to understand what he had done. “I- I didn’t know anyone was around I promise!”. Tubbo stood there, his eyes empty and his voice croaked, “you killed Quackity…”. “I KNOW TOBY, I DIDN’T EXPECT SOMEONE TO DIE TONIGHT ALL RIGHT?!” Wilbur kneeled down next to Tommy, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I know it was a mistake , but people won’t believe us, we need to get out of here”. Tommy and Tubbo stared at each other in disbelief, “what do you mean get out?” Wilbur sighed, “We need to get out of here, the police will find us soon enough, they can track the car to my name, and the damage on the car is proof enough, isn’t it”. “W..where do we go Wilbur..” Tubbo asked quietly. “Anywhere else, but we need to go quickly”. The three saw light’s coming down the street from the distance, causing them to run into the woods nearby.

The three boys keep running into the forest, hearing tree branches crack behind them. They run as far as they can, until they’re all out of breath and no longer see the car. “Wap, right?” Tubbo tries to lighten the mood. “WHAT!?” Wilbur turned his head to Tubbothy. “Wap means what a pickle?” Tubbo pants, still trying to catch his breath. “No, it means wet-” Tommy tries to explain, but Wilbur shuts him up. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” There’s a moment of silence. “What do we do now?” Tubbo leans up against a tree, completely in shock. “For now, we need to take a break.” Wilbur says. “Soon, we need to run. As far as we can, until we escape this town.” Tommy frowns. “What about the convention!?” Wilbur snaps. “SCREW THE CONVENTION, TOMMY. IF YOU DIDN’T KILL QUACKITY, WE WOULDN’T BE IN THIS MESS!” He scolds, backing Tommy against a tree. “WELL I DIDN’T MEAN TO… IT- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!” Tommy pushes him away. “IT DOESN’T MATTER TOMMY, YOU KILLED A MAN!” Before the argument goes any further, Tubbo intervenes. “Guys!! We don’t have the time to argue right now! If we stay here any longer, they’ll catch us! Yes, Tommy did kill Quackity, and… Wilbur, you may be in the right-” Tommy interrupts him. “Hey-!” “Listen!” Tubbo continues. “You may be in the right, but if we stay here bickering, we’ll all get in trouble..!” Tubbo exclaims. “...Tubbothy…” Wilbur backs away. “You’re right. We need to go.” Wilbur leads them farther into the wilderness. “Do any of you know how to forage?” Tubbo asks them. “I’M THOMAS DANGER SIMMONS, MASTER FORAGER!!” Tommy stands up, pointing to the sky. “I was a boy-scout in 6th grade!!” Wilbur rolls his eyes. “That’s not a good enough qualification.” He crosses his arms. “I think it is!!” Tubbo smiles. “Yeah! They taught me how to start a fire and cook plants, I think I know what I’m doing,” Tommy has a confident smirk on his face. “Anything else?” Wilbur scoffs. “I know how to boil chicken.” Wilbur looks lost in thought. “Seems good enough to me, lead the way, master forager.” They walk deeper into the forest.

Tommy spots a pinecone, and holds it into the air. “THIS IS A BLOODY NICE PINECONE, INNIT?” He exclaims into the air. “Tommy- that’s a cancer root…” Tubbo retorted. Tommy dropped the pinecone in shame, as Wilbur smirked in the distance. “Wait- Toby, do you know anything about all this nature stuff?” Wilbur asked. “Well my mother was quite knowledgeable about these kinds of things, and of course I read the Minecraft manual on how to survive the wilderness. It taught me how to cook meat and harvest plants”. Tommy looked shocked, as the Minecraft lore taught Tubbo more than any amount of years he spent as a boy scout. Tubbo picked up a plant off the ground, and handed it to Wilbur. “This is a milkweed, it’s edible and also good for your soul”. “Toby are you sure?”. To show his might, he ate the milkweed in one bite, not hesitating or blinking during the ordeal. “Alright, if I die, it’s poisonous, if not, we eat”. Tommy looked at him in shock, “did it taste good…”. “Well no it tasted quite shit actually but it did have a nice aftertaste”. Wilbur and Tommy started at Tubbo with pure fear, knowing that their chance of survival rested on the shoulders of an insane 16 year old boy who waters his bonsai trees with sink water. After twenty minutes, sure enough, Tubbo wasn’t dead… yet. So he started collecting milkweeds, along with blueberries, and chickweeds. It was missing something important though, water. However, deep in Florida, the sight of clean water is scarce. If there is one thing prevalent in Florida however, it would be gas stations.


	2. The 711 Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They rob a 711. Jschlatt, Fundy, Dream, And Karl are introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/MatpatUwU/status/1330752946456420352/photo/1 Here's a photo representation of what happens in this chapter, yes I drew it for the fanfiction, yes it's been 10 hours -_o

The 3 men walked through the forest until they found a sanctuary. "Guys, look over there, I think I see lights!" Tubbo exclaims, pointing to something close by. They rush through the foliage. "It feels like we've been in the woods for weeks!" Tommy exaggerates, pretending to be dead on the ground. "Get off the floor. And we've only been in there for like an hour," Wilbur rushes to the 7/11, the bell ringing when they open the door. "Hello, and welcome to 711!" The cashier welcomes them into the store. "Hello!" Tubbo greets him, browsing the candy section. Tommy heads immediately to the soda aisle. Wilbur grabs Tommy and Tubbo, bringing them to the back of the store. "Guys. Grab everything you can. We're robbing the store." He whispered to the teens. "Wh-Why!?" Tubbo gasps. "Listen, Tubbo. We've already killed someone. Might as well go all out and rob this shithole," He walks up to the Cashier and tries to make small talk. "So uh… Nice weather we're having recently, right?" He chuckles. "It's raining." The cashier laughs. Wilbur's eyes peer down to the man's name tag. "...Fundy? That's your name?" Good, he has him distracted. That gave Tommy and Tubbo enough time to steal all the candies and soda and stuff them into a big duffel bag. "What do we grab next?" Tubbo whispers, reaching for almost anything he can grab. "Grab the doritos next-!" Tommy hisses, stuffing the Takis and Cheetos into the bag. "Do we get the Mountain Dew too?" Tommy nods. 

As the two teens stuffed all their contraband into the massive duffel bag they also stole from the souvenir section of the store; Fundy glanced over to see the crime in action. “Wait! What are you two doing?!” he yelled out, causing Tommy and Tubbo to stand still in fear. Without a second thought, Wilbur grabbed a bottle off of the counter and smashed it over Fundy’s head, causing him to slump to the floor. Tubbo ran over to Fundy’s body, checking to see if he still had a pulse. “Wilbur! You just murdered another man!” Wilbur scoffed it off, “he’s not dead yet, I just knocked him out. This wouldn’t have happened if you two were better at smuggling”. Tubbo gave Fundy’s barely breathing body a blanket from the back, and went back to stealing. As Wilbur finished grabbing the hot dog machine, the sound of sirens surrounded the 7/11. “Wilbur, there’s a bunch of cops outside” Tommy whispered. The three looked at the body, realizing that this was not the most ideal situation, to say the least. Wilbur had an idea, but first he needed to get the kids out of here. “Tommy, take the bag and go to the freezer locker over there, it won’t be long don’t worry. And Tubbo, go to the bathroom over there and just stand in there for a moment until they leave”. The two boys reluctantly went to their hiding spots. Wilbur stuffed Fundy’s body under the counter, stealing the patch on his shirt, and hastily pasting it onto his own. He stood at the counter, ready to greet the cops walking in. Two cops walked in, seeming carefree and not on patrol at the moment. Wilbur breathed a sigh of relief, until the third cop walked in. His demeanor was full of hostility, his stance seemed to take up the entire room. He had his hand on his hip, seemingly ready to pull out the pistol strapped there at any moment. Wilbur tensed up, trying not to make eye contact with the cop. One of the cops yelled over to his partner, “I’m heading to the bathroom, grab me a monster!”. His partner gave him a thumbs up, grabbing 10 cans of Monster. “Clay, we don’t need that many cans of Monster dumbass” the threatening cop calls over to him. “Schlatt we don’t need 10 hotdogs but I know you're going to grab them anyways” Clay rolls his eyes. Wilbur froze in his tracks, they won’t find the hot dogs, he already stuffed them away. Clay finally noticed the barren shelves, giving a side-ways glance to Schlatt. Walking up to the counter, the head cop looks Wilbur in the eyes. “ Where’s all the goods at, seems like someone robbed the place”. He chuckled. Wilbur’s palms started to sweat under the counter, as he tried to laugh it off. “The last food truck was a week ago, I don’t know what happened”. Schlatt looked over to Clay, motioned him to come over to the counter. As this was going on, the rookie cop was in the bathroom with Tubbo. Tubbo was standing on top of one of the toilets, trying to hide his feet. He held his hands over his mouth, trying to keep his breaths quiet. The cop finished up, and began washing his hands. As Tubbo shuffled around, a bag of doritos fell from his pocket, making a loud crunch noise. The cop looked back quickly, unaware anyone else was in the bathroom with him. “Hello?” He asked, his fear prevalent. Tubbo didn’t know what to do, he knew he’d either- 1.) Be questioned for trying to hide in the bathroom, or 2.) Be questioned on why he was smuggling chips from the store. The sound of someone calling from beyond the bathroom door echoed, “Karl are you almost done?”. Tubbo knew what to do in this situation, as Wilbur taught him. He grabbed the toilet lid below him, holding it above his head. As Karl went to open the door, Tubbo jumped over the bathroom stall, slamming the toilet lid onto his head. Karl was unable to make any noise in time, his body sinking to the floor. Tubbo set down the toilet lid, checking his pulse. Karl was alive, somehow, it must be his thick skull. Tubbo hoped that Wilbur or Tommy would be able to deal with the other cops. Speaking of Tommy, he was slowly freezing to death, so he decided to crack open the freezer door. He saw the two cops questioning Wilbur, and knew he had to help him. He tried to distract the cops by throwing a water bottle across the room. Schlatt looked behind him, investigating the noise. As this happened, Wilbur grabbed the cash register and slammed in onto Clay’s head, knocking him out. Wilbur slowly realized how many crimes he had committed that night, but it wouldn’t be his last. Schlatt quickly looked back at Wilbur, ready to pull out his gun. But before he could, Tubbo rushed from the bathroom, jumping onto Schlatt’s back to throw him off. Schlatt struggled to get his arms free, and Wilbur snatched the gun from his holster. Tommy ran from the freezer, pushing Schlatt to the ground. Tubbo and Tommy began kicking Schlatt towards the freezer, but he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. He grabbed on the edge of one of the shelves, pulling it down on Tommy. His breath had been knocked out, and Tubbo had to take a break from kicking Schlatt to help Tommy. Schlatt stood up, about to finish the job, before Wilbur jumped in, tackling him into the freezer. Schlatt hit his head on the floor, stunning him for long enough that Wilbur was able to shut the door and lock it. Schlatt ran to the door, pounding on it, “you better open this goddamn door right now before Karl comes and shoots your asses!”. But Tubbo knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Tommy cried out in anguish, “all of the snacks are inside the freezer!”. They had forgotten the contraband inside, including the hotdogs. This entire charade was for not, leaving the boys spirits down. Suddenly, Wilbur got a great idea. He grabbed money from Karl’s, Clay’s, and Fundy’s bodies, and motioned everyone to come outside. He held up car keys, stolen from Clay as well. “We’re getting out of here boys, let’s go!” Everyone hopped into the cop car, breathing a sigh of relief. “You know, this reminds me of the good ol’ days” Tommy said with a smirk. Tubbo grabbed the only bag of doritos he had from his pocket, snaking on it in the car. “Alright dirty crime boys, where do we go?” Wilbur asked. Tommy exclaimed, “anywhere we can get some food at, maybe some Subway?” Wilbur agreed, and drove off with the boys, using a stolen police cruiser, and about 300$ in cash. Fundy woke up as the car drove off, realizing that he was gonna get blamed for this. So, he simply drove off in his car, hoping to get some sort of survivor’s pay after this was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. I didn't write the last paragraph Luna did oh my god


	3. A New Member Has Joined the Dirty Crime Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Technoblade's a subway employee. Two counts of arson occur.

Wilbur parks the police car into the Subway parking lot. "Ok, what are you guys getting?" They walk into the establishment. It's surprisingly empty, but to be fair it is like the middle of the night. "Hmm… I'll get the cold cut combo." Tommy tells Wilbur. "Order for yourself, bastard. I thought you were all about not being a child, I guess not." The brunette smirks, happy to make fun of his… friend? Brother? Son? He's not sure how to refer to Tommy anymore. "Shut the fuck up Wilb-" Tubbo slaps a hand over his mouth. "Tommy, ya gotta be quiet mate! We've already attracted enough attention tonight, we don't need anymore on us." Tubbo says in a soft tone. "What about you Tubbo?" Wilbur looks over at the short boy. "... A chicken caesar wrap." He mutters. They walk up to the counter, trying their best not to cause a scene. The cashier sighs. He looks dead inside. He has dark bags under his eyes. And he's… a pig? No, really. His eyes are pure white, and he has tusks coming out of his mouth. The cashier's wearing a crown, with a weird monarch coat. "Hello and welcome to Subway. What are you ordering?" His monotone voice drags on, yet it still has so much energy. "I would like to order a chicken caesar wrap, please." Tubbo tells him. Tommy goes next, saying he wanted a cold cut combo. The cashier looks over to Wilbur. "And what are you getting?" "Oh, I'll just have an italian bmt." They all sit down at the booth and wait for their orders. "What are we supposed to do?" Tubbo has a pained look in his eyes. "What do you mean?" Tommy seems worried. "We're… we're Murderers, Tommy. We killed someone! And almost killed 3 other people. For all we know, they could be dead right now!" He croaked. His throat was tightening. "Tubbo… You didn't kill anyone. It's my fault, if we're being truthful. But all we can do is move past it. Those cops were probably bad people anyway," Tommy tries to cheer his best friend up. "But Quackity…" They sit in silence until the cashier calls them up to grab their food. "Thank you…. Technoblade?" They look down at the small plate clipped onto his coat. The cashier simply just nods. 

Wilbur noticed his calm, yet somewhat threatening aura. He seemed to be both passive and aggressive, perhaps passive-aggressive. Either way, he seemed to have a power unbeknownst to most mortals. Yet he works at a subway, so Wilbur’s hunch was quenched pretty fast. Grabbing the food, Wilbur walked back to the table. The food was good, but was looming with the taste of despair. All anyone could think about was how Quackity was actually dead. Not only that, but now everyone in that Subway was a criminal. Maybe even Technoblade, he did have that- presence. Eating the food in silence was melancholic for everyone, so Tommy decided to lighten the mood. “So, I can’t wait till we get to that convention huh?” He cracked himself up. Tubbo started to smile too, retorting in a sarcastic tone, “oh yeah, can’t wait to get there!”. The two boys started to laugh over the absurdity of the situation, causing Wilbur to smile as well. Even though Tommy is reckless and slightly unhinged, he always knows how to lighten the mood. Technoblade leaned in, listening to their conversation. Everything seemed to be going well, so Technoblade decided to budge in and make things more interesting. “You boys look like you committed a murder, is everything alright?” He said, monotone as ever. Tommy froze in the middle of eating a cookie, looking Techno in the eyes with a hint of panic. “Oh of course not! Look at me, you think a big man like me could ever do that, of course not!”, he chuckled nervously. “That’s kind of disappointing actually” Techno replied sadly. Tommy and Tubbo looked at each other in unison, thinking the same thing. Did this pig, man, creature, thing just say he wanted a murder to be commited. Wilbur kind of agreed, but decided to ask him about it anyways. “What do you mean, Mr. Blade?” “This town is so boring, nothing ever happens, I don’t even like Subway, I’m just staying on the grind, you know” he said, barring a hint of sarcasm. “So, what you’re saying is, if hypothetically, we did kill someone, you wouldn’t tell the police?” Tubbo asked quietly. “Of course not, if anything I'd want to come along next time, just don’t tell my manager that. Because if it’s not obvious by my tone, I'm joking”. The three went back to eating their meal in slight paranoia, was this guy really joking, or was he going to kill them on the spot? They were about to leave, when Technoblade stopped them at the door. “Do you mind if I come with you guys?” He asked, filled with emotion. “I can’t stand being in this Subway for another 5 minutes, I need to go and cause some anarchy!”. Tommy laughed at him, “what makes you think we’re going to do anything like that?”. Techno pointed to Tubbo, “well the child has blood on his shirt, I think that’s a sign for chaos”. Tubbo looked down at his shirt, not realizing he had some of Karl’s blood on him after the bathroom incident. “I won’t say anything if I can tag along”. They didn’t have much of a choice, plus having a bourgeois pig with a taste for blood on their side didn’t seem too bad. Hopping over the counter, brandishing a crossbow and ripping off his name tag, he walked over to the boys in elegance. “Should I ask where you got the crossbow?” Wilbur whispered, with Techno shaking his head. Agreeing to be on equal terms, not asking what the other person has done, the new team walked out of the subway. ‘Wait, before we leave, I have something I need to do”. Technoblade went back inside, the smell of gas quickly filled the air. As someone who has caught things on fire before, Tommy could tell where this was going. “We… may want to stand back a bit” Tommy motioned for everyone to move back. Technoblade walked back out, holding an unlit match. “You boys ready to see some fireworks?”. Technoblade walked towards the slightly scared brits, his back towards the Subway. Lighting the match, he threw it behind him, setting the building ablaze. He breathed a large sigh, feeling as though a burden on his chest had finally been lifted. “So, i’m guessing we’re going to ride in the stolen cop car”. Wilbur nodded, intimidated by Technoblades immense stature. Everyone got into the car, riding away from the smell of burnt cheese and lettuce. 

Wilbur parks the car in the middle of the forest. "Shit. We're low on gas." He grits his teeth. "Techno, do you have any extra gas from when you…. Y'know," he looks over to the pig, who shakes his head. "Nope. We could probably go to a gas station and siphon it." Technoblade mutters bluntly. "No! No more of that for today. We already killed someone, and almost killed 3 cops. And set a subway on fire. We need to take a break, dear god!" Wilbur leans back into the driver's seat, sighing. "Do you have any better ideas then?" It's silent. "Guys! I found some snacks in the back of the car!" Tubbo smiles. The snacks might only last them a few hours, but it's better than nothing. "Pogchamp! What all did you find?" Tommy peers into the backseat, looking at it. "... Most of its all Monster energy… there's some crackers, and peach gummy rings. Oh, they have kool-aid, and slim-jims!" Tubbo takes all the snacks and shows them to the group. The boys realized just how quiet it was around them. It was pitch black outside, and if they went outside the police car it would be freezing. "... I'm not sure I like it here… The atmosphere is very umm… Dark." Tubbo feels a shiver crawl down his spine. "Everyone get out." Technoblade tells everyone. "W-Why?" Tommy frowns. "Trust me." They all leave the car, grabbing all the snacks. "Do any of you know how to start fires?" Tommy's hand shoots up into the air, and he jumps onto his toes. "Oh oh oh! Me! Me! I learned how to start fires when I was a boy-scout!" Wilbur chuckles. "He also learned how to boil chicken," he mentions. "Interesting. Do you guys have a flashlight or somethin'?" Tubbo nods, turning the flashlight on his phone. "Shine it onto the trunk." Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur watch as techno takes a lockpick from his pocket and unlocks the trunk. "How'd you do that?" Tommy gasps, his eyes lighting up. "I played Skyrim." He casually mentioned, taking an axe out from the trunk. "What are you gonna do with that?" Wilbur looks slightly concerned. "Making firewood." He started to chop down trees. "Wh- Technoblade!? What are you doing!?" Tubbo looks worried. "What the fuck!?" Tommy mutters. "Why do they have an axe in their trunk!? Wait, there's other weapons in here too!" Tommy pulls out an AK-47, a pistol, a taser, and some other guns. "Are police officers allowed to have these many weapons on them?" Tubbo and Tommy look at each other. "Who knows…" Wilbur puts his hand on Tommy's shoulder, kneeling down to look at all the weapons in the trunk. "Heh… We could use these," He smirks. Tommy flinches. "Are you okay Big W? You look… scary." "Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking," The 3 men look back over to Techno, who has already chopped enough firewood to make a fire, and some to spare. He even cut 4 little stumps for them to sit on. "Go ahead Tommy. Start the fire." Techno sits down on one of the logs. "How did you cut down an entire tree so fast?" Wilbur looks over at Technoblade, slightly flabbergasted. "I'm a god." He mutters. With Technoblade, you can never tell whether or not he's joking. His voice is just always sarcastic. The boys laugh it off. "Tommy, why is there no fire yet?" Wilbur looks over to the blonde boy, who looks like he's struggling. "Uh, well. Heheh, you see Wilbur. I may have… quit boy-scouts after a week, so I was never really good at starting fires, so-" "YOU INCOMPETENT CHILD! YOU ABSOLUTE CRETIN! Fine, let me start the fire." Wilbur pushes Tommy aside, grabbing to rocks and rubbing them together, trying to start a fire. "Boom." As soon as he says that, the bundle of wood catches on fire. "I have a quirky idea, why don't we tell scary stories?" Tubbo flops down on his wood stump, taking a slim jim out of the packaging and eating it. "W-wait… umm… wait… isn't it a little too late to be telling scary stories? Haha…" Tommy fiddles with his hands, sweating nervously. "Aww, is someone a little baby that can't handle scary stories? Are you gonna cry? Piss your pants maybe?" Wilbur teases him. "I'm not a fucking baby! It's like pitch black, how am I not supposed to be scared!? But I'm not scared!" Tommy crossed his arms across his chest. "Who wants to go first?" Tubbo raises his hand. "Can I go?" Everyone nods. "It was just an average night. Maybe a little bit chilly, but nonetheless normal. 4 men were sitting on the patio outside of a cabin they rented out for winter break, playing and messing around. They may have been a little drunk, but that's not important. They decided they've had enough fun for the night, and went back inside. All of the boys were asleep, but there was still someone outside their cabin. A person covered in shadows, unable to be seen in any lighting. It slid the glass door open, leading to the cabin. One of the boys was sleeping on the couch, none the wiser to the dark figure hovering above him. The shadowy being takes hold of his body. He's become the scrawny teen. It looks at itself in the mirror. He has blonde hair, and is wearing a white t-shirt with red sleeves. He's rocking a pair of blue jeans, and Nike shoes." Tommy shouts in protest. "Hey! Don't put me in the story!!" He cries. "What? It's not you, Tommy. It's… Timmy!" Tubbo giggles. "SHUT THE- UGH JUST GO ON…" Tommy whines, shivering. "The shadowy demon walks around the house, looking for the other men. It walks into the kitchen, grabbing a butcher knife, and heading on to find his first victim. He walks up the stairs, making no noise. He knocks on the door, which swiftly opens. 'Is something wrong, Timmy?' the teen, Tubby mutters. Timmy doesn't say anything back, instead he stabbed Tubby in his artery, throwing him down the stairs." Wilbur's eyes widen. It's his turn to be scared. "T-Tubbo… Did the Timmy character just stab Tubbo- I mean Tubby!" He feels like something's watching him. "Yes. Don't interrupt me, please. Timmy forces the bathroom door open. "Ocupado." Techy says, blank faced as the demon snaps his neck." Wilbur interrupts him again. "Okok, I think that's enough-" "shh!" Technoblade shushes him. Wilbur and Tommy cling onto each other in fear. "It throws Techy down the stairs, his body piling onto Tubby's. There was only one more person left." "Oh god oh fuck oh shit-" Wilbur breathes, him and Tommy shaking. "Wilby heard some ruckus in the room next to him, so he grabbed a pair of scissors and prepared for battle. He busted his door down, jumping onto Timmy. 'WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?' he shouts. The boy doesn't answer. 'SAY SOMETHING DUMBASS!' He shoves the pair of scissors in his back, and Timmy threw his body down the stairs, shoving the knife in his throat. The demon tore away from his body, and Timmy regained sentience. The first thing he saw was all of his friends dead on the staircase. And it was all his fault. The end!" Tubbo ends it cheerfully, and Technoblade claps. Tommy and Wilbur are in tears, though. "WHY'D YOU MAKE ME KILL ALL OUR FRIENDS!?" Tommy sobs. "I'm telling you Tommy, it was Timmy, not you!" Tubbo pats him on the back. Wilbur is shaking, his head in his knees. "What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck-" he keeps repeating that over again. "Uh… are you… okay?" Technoblade awkwardly tried to comfort him. "No." Wilbur says blankly. "Well, that was fun!" Tubbo grins, stuffing all the snacks back into the car. "I think we should get out of here, though. It might not be good for Wilbur or Tommy." He looks over at Tommy, who's crying, and Wilbur, who's hyperventilating. They pack everything up, and decide to call it a night. "I'll drive. I don't think Wilbur's is in very good condition right now." Techno sighs, helping him into the backseat. They drive away, but Tubbo sees a bright light behind them. "Techno…? I think we forgot to put the fire out." He pauses. "Uh oh, well nothing bad can happen from that right?” The four drive away, leaving the forest catching ablaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kori wrote the last paragraph,,,


	4. A Buddy Cop Comedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jschlatt, Karl, and Clay wake up from their 7/11 scuffle, only to find chaos in their wake

Clay was the first person to wake up in the desolate 7/11, his head pounding from the slam of the cash register. No one else was in the store, and the building was freezing. Stumbling to get up, he called out for his crewmates. Suddenly, he heard a harsh scream coming from the freezer. He hazily walked over, opening the door with no second thoughts. Jschlatt fell out, his body covered in ice crystals and frost. He stood up briskly, shivering and full of anger. “W-w-what the fuck took you so long to wake up, having a good nap?” Schlatt said, his teeth quaking from the cold. Clay still wasn’t fully recovered, so he replied weakly “I had no dream, but my head hurts like a bitch”. He slumped back onto the ground, opening and closing his eyes frequently. Jschlatt sighed, grabbing Clay’s collar and dragging him to the bathroom. Inside was Karl, still knocked out on the floor. Splashing water onto his face, Schlatt woke up a similarly hazy Karl. “W-where are my Doritos sir…” he said, laying back down. He dragged both of their slightly unconscious bodies outside the 7/11, only to find their cop car had been stolen. “WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHY!” Jschlatt yelled to the sky, pounding his fists into the pavement. Clay sat up, barely audible, he said “can’t we call a cab”. However, all their money had been stolen by the wannabee criminals. “Guess we’re walking boys, well one boy and one man”. Jschlatt chuckled to himself. Karl woke up to rebuttal Schlatt, “I'm literally older than Clay sir”. “I know Karl but I meant mentally, you’re still like a small dog in a carnival, you know?”. Karl didn’t try to argue, and layed back down. At this point, Clay awoke enough to where he could have a full conversation with Schlatt. “So sir, where are we gonna find these crooks at?”. Jschlatt sighed, leaning back onto the crusted wall of the 7/11. “If I’m being quite frank, I don’t know. I didn’t expect to be overpowered by two toddlers and a twig, but what are you gonna do on a Friday night?”. The two laughed off the predicament they faced, finding the rouge children or losing their job. “Did you know that anyone suspicious was inside the 7/11?” Clay asked quietly. “Honestly, I didn’t. I just wanted to come in for a hot dog, but we just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time”. Clay started laughing, almost sounding like a tea kettle. “Are you still thinking about the hot dogs?” he couldn’t stop laughing. Schlatt couldn’t stop himself from smiling, “yeah man they’re damn good dogs. I don’t ask for a lot, but that’s one of em’”. Karl decided to chime in, “wait, how are we going to get to the station and report to Mr. Phil?” Jschlatt sighed, knowing that there was no way to at the moment, but not wanting to crush the rookies' hopes, he decided to lie a bit. “You see, there should be someone coming to pick us up in a bit. We just need to walk up the road.” He knew no one would come for them, they were out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. But, as a general supervisor, it’s his job to make sure his cadets are safe and sound, no matter how ignorant they may be. He gestured for the two to stand up, mentally preparing himself for the trip they were about to take. They began walking down the road, the chilly air almost causing Jschlatt to topple over. It was pitch black, not even street lights around to ease the uneasiness. Clay and Karl were telling each other knock knock jokes, such poor ones that Jschlatt wanted to roll down a hill and die. But, just as things were getting boring, a bright light could be seen in the distance. Karl gasped in glee, “Oh my god! I think that’s the Subway! Can we please get something to eat, I’m starving”. Clay mocked Karl, “we don’t have any money dummy, how are we going to eat?”. Karl replied, “we’re cops, they can hook us up right?” Jschlatt didn’t want to tell Karl that that is indeed, not a thing, but decided he should see it for himself. Too bad that day would never come. As they walked closer to the light, the smell of smoke almost became unbearable. “Is someone having a cookout?” Karl asked quizitivly. “Karl you know it’s illegal to have a cook-out out here right?” Jschlatt sighed to himself, but smiling slightly. He thought to himself, what did I do to deserve such good hearted mates. His previous squadron was more on the chaotic side, especially Carson, that Carson guy was a real mess. But these two, they had a good heart, just maybe not enough brain to match it. His thoughts were interrupted by the shrieking of Karl. “THE SUBWAY! IT’S ON FIRE!” He screeched, his screams could probably be heard in a 20 mile radius. He was right, the Subway was lit ablaze, nothing left except for the foundation at the bottom. Jschlatt thought to himself, man, that bread must really be toasted now. But now wasn’t the time for poorly humored jokes, they had to call the fire department. Clay called 911, but to no avail. “Why isn’t anyone picking up?” Karl asked fearfully. Jschlatt looked in paranoia, it’s one thing for a Subway to catch on fire, that could happen anytime. But for dispatch to be down, this had to be the work of a master criminal, a true tyrant. “Look, there’s more pressing matters than a burning Subway. We need to find the fuckers who burnt it down in the first place!” He screamed at his men. Karl and Clay agreed in unison, putting down the phone and continuing to walk down the road. After about 20 minutes of silent patrol, Clay decided to speak up. “So, how are we going to find these guys anyways?”. Schlatt laughed at him, pointing a finger to his head. “You see, my brain is massive, I can find these dumbasses with my eyes closed. Criminals always leave behind a footprint, no matter how big or small. Our first clue is that one of them is an arsonist, if we can find any gasoline, matches, or something similar, we can find our crooks”. Almost as if on cue, a familiar smell rose into the air. Karl screeched again, “I SMELL A FIRE! LIKE A BIG ONE!”. Sure enough, like a painting, in the distance was a bright orange and red, one so bright that it had to be a forest fire. Running as fast as they could, they caught up to the massive flames, rising from a group of logs. However, the fire was far too massive to try and combat it. “Sir, what do we do?” Karl asked fearfully. “Easy, we leave, and wait for the firefighters to find it” Jschlatt smirked. “We can’t just leave the fire like this” Clay watched the flames, concerned. “We can’t do shit about this, I’m telling you we need to go find the culprits, and look at this!” He pointed to a pair of tire tracks embedded into the ground. “They went this way, but they couldn’t have gone far, let’s go”. The three left the ever growing fire, following the dark marks in the cement. They seemed to go on forever, walking and walking on to nothing, until they found why the phone lines were down. Their stolen police cruiser had been crashed into a massive telephone pole, causing it to fall. Jschlatt checked the car, no one was inside, but there was a good amount of slim-Jim wrappers. “I don’t see any leads, what do we do now?” Clay asked his sarg. As Karl was looking around the vehicle, he found a bunch of whitish feathers circling the vehicle. Karl pointed out the evidence, leading to a pat on the back from Jschlatt, “you stupid son of a bitch you finally did something right!” Karl took the backhanded compliment, pointing out more feathers leading into the woods. “You boys ready to find these culps?” They exclaimed in glee, and ran into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luna (me) wrote this chapter because there was a need for wholesome dynamic between the dumb cops, next chapter will pick back up on the criminals.


	5. A Trip To The Mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After escaping the police, our rag tag group finds themselves in a mall, and meets up with a familiar friend

Tubbo and Tommy are humming in the backseat of the police car, jamming out to Wilbur's music. "MY KEYBOARDS LIKE MY HEART, IT SHINES IN RGB AND IT'S FULL OF BLOOD, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME, BUT I'M SCARED-" "Can you guys please shut up, you're giving me a migraine..". Techno grumbles, tightening his grip on the wheel. His patience is running out with these two. And it's not helping that Wilbur won't stop snoring in the Passenger seat. "Techno!" Tommy whines. "You literally interrupted the best part of the song!" They all sigh. Finally, Techno can have a moment to relax by himself. He may be a God, but he only has so much energy. "Tommy, would you like a monster?" Tubbo looks at the scrawny boy, who's still currently jamming out to Internet Ruined Me. "Why not?" Tubbo gives Tommy a Pipeline Punch, and gives himself one too. "Have you ever had a Monster before, Tommy?" He shakes his head. "Same, this'll be an experience." "Did you know Monster can make you drunk?" Technoblade jokes. "WAIT REALLY!?" Tommy shouts, exasperated. "Yeah, totally." He says sarcastically. Tubbo cracks his Monster open, and chugs it down. Tommy follows quickly after. "Woah! That tastes so pog!" Tommy grabs another one, gulping that one down too. Technoblade turns on the radio. "Emergency News Report! The Subway on Wedgewood street has been burnt down to the ground! And in recent events, the nearby forest has been lit on fire!-" Techno changes the station. Blank Space by Taylor Swift starts playing. "Aww, hell yeah!" He starts vibing to the song. "Do you like this song, Mr. Blade?" Tubbo slurs his words slightly. "Mhm. I love Taylor Swift. Her music is so good, good enough for a god like me." He turns the radio up. "TECHNO, CAN YOU SING BLITZ?" Tommy asks him, also slurring his words. Seriously, what's up with them? "Ugh. Fine. I'm getting bored of walls 2, I should find a new minigame. October 2013, saw the game and I thought: oh my god, the fuck is this? So many op kits, but I guess I'll play a game." He sings, his voice laced with boredom.

"Tommy, give me another Monster!" Technoblade looks back at the two boys. They were both covered in probably about… 10 monsters. Jesus, how many have they had? "Slow down on the Monsters." Technoblade says, putting his eyes back on the road. "NOOO!!! THEY TASTE FUCKING AMAZING BIG T, YOU SHOULD TRY ONE!!" Tommy bangs on his seat. "Don't do that. And I'm not drinking a Monster. I'm on a strict blood only diet." Tubbo starts banging on the windows. "WAHHHH!!! WE RAN OUT OF MONSTERS!!" He falls down in the backseat, falling onto Tommy. "DID YOU DRINK THEM ALL TUBBO? I CAN'T BLAME YOU, THEY TASTED SO FUCKIN' GOOD!" Tommy kicks his feet up and sits them on Techno's seat. "WAIT WAIT WAIT TECHNO!!" Tommy throws himself over Technoblade's seat, grabbing the wheel. "WHAT THE HELL TOMMY, YOU'RE GONNA CRASH THE FUCKING CAR!" He loses his patience, trying to fight off the teen while making sure they don't crash. During all the noise, Wilbur wakes up. "AH, WILBUR! YOU'RE FINALLY AWAKE, HEHE! WE MISSED YOU!" Tubbo hugs Wilbur, restraining him, and as a result he couldn't push Tommy off Techno. "JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL!!" Tommy screeches, acting drunk out of his mind. "Fuck it." Technoblade gives up, swerving the car out of control, and it crashes into a telephone pole, setting fire to the vehicle and causing the electricity to go wild. "EVERYONE GET OUT THE CAR!" Tommy cries, falling out of the seat. Technoblade pry's Tubbo off Wilbur, who runs out the police car and ducks down. Techno carries Tubbo into a ditch, waiting for the car to explode. Tubbo lays his head on Wilbur's shoulder. "M' tired." Wilbur looks down at him. "HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU TIRED!? YOU JUST EXPLODED A COP CAR!" Wilbur scoffs, yelling at his friend. "We're drunk, Wilbur!" Tommy shouts. "WHEN DID YOU GET ALCOHOL!? WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU ALCOHOL!?" Wilbur groans. "WE DRANK THE MONSTERS!" Tubbo slurs his speech. "MONSTERS DON'T HAVE ALCOHOL, YOU BASTARD!" Tubbo frowns. "Oh. But Techno told us it did!" Tubbo pouts, staring at the police car that's on fire. "Techno. You did WHAT?" He looks over to the pig-man hybrid. "I was being sarcastic. I thought they knew-" Wilbur sighs. "Whatever. Now we have to take care of two fake-drunk Teenagers." He groans. "How did they even get drunk-" Technoblade interrupts Wilbur. "Placebo effect." "Oh. We should get out of here, so we don't get caught." Wilbur grabs all the weapons he can from the flaming car, running away from it before its untimely demise. Technoblade carries Tubbo, and Wilbur carries Tommy as they fall asleep, running away from the signs of civilization as the police car explodes in the distance. "Tommy, that's the 2nd time you've crashed a car." Wilbur sighs. "SHUT THE FUCK UP WILBUR." Tommy pushes him. Techno's coat gets caught on a tree-branch, the feathers coming off his coat and falling onto the ground. The Dirty Crime Boys didn't notice, and walked farther away from the crime scene.

"So umm… Where to next?" Tubbo pauses in between his words. They all seem to be out of breath. They have been running for awhile. "It's time we take a break, don't you agree fellas?" Tommy chuckles to himself. Man, he's so funny. But nobody else laughed. Tubbo points to something in the distance. “It's a mall!” "We've finally made it out of the middle of nowhere. Nice." Techno nods. "Let's go shopping." He leads them into the mall. "But Techno, we barely have any money! We spent it all on Subway…" Tubbo frowns. "I stole the money in the cash register. Plus I have a credit card." There're so many people walking around them. If there was anyone chasing them, there's no way they could find them here. “Wilbur, what happened to all the money you stole from the cops?” Tubbo asked in a whisper. Looking at his sweater pocket, it seemed it had been ripped in the car crash, leaving a massive hole. “Well if it makes you feel any better Toby, if those cops are following us they can get their dirty money back” he chuckled discreetly. The energy in the mall was strange, despite being filled with people, it had the same empty atmosphere as the woods they were previously traveling through. No one was talking, the only noise was the shuffling of feet and cloth. “Hey Big W, what the hell’s wrong with this place?” Tommy asked. Not even Wilbur knew, but he knew something was wrong. Technoblade stopped in his tracks, staring down the long corridor of the mall. “ I sense an evil presence in here, not too far from us”. Everyone stood at a standstill, starting to sweat. “T-Technoblade what do you mean by that?”. He laughed, “does anyone have a phone, maybe even a watch, but if not I won’t judge”. Wilbur had a phone, but it had fallen out of his pocket. “Fine, I’ll ask this fine fella over here”. Techno walked over to a decrepit looking woman, her eyes sunken into the back of her head. Her skin was as white as a ghost beetle, the smell of burnt grass overpowering everything else. “Hello ma’am, do you happen to have the time?” he asked as politely as he could. She didn’t respond, instead staring deep into the pigs white eyes. “Yeah I thought so” Techno smirked to himself. Grabbing his crossbow, he shot the woman directly in her chest, immediately turning into dirt and air. 

Everyone else in the building looked at the murder scene, surrounding the passerby's. “TECHNO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE FOR MAN?!” Tommy screeched out. Technoblade looked at Tommy with a hearty chuckle, “did you not think about how weird it is for a mall to be open in the middle of the night”. Redding another bolt for his crossbow, he followed up, “these are all ghouls, husks, phantoms, whatever you want to call them”. It was true, Tommy didn’t think about why a mall was open at around 3 in the morning, but he thought it was just an American thing. Everyone circled up closer to Techno, having no weapons to defend themselves with. “What do we do now?” Wilbur asked, trying to keep calm for the children. “Well I got about 20 bolts, and there’s maybe 130, 140 ghosts in here, I don’t know to be quite honest with you”. “Can we craft more bolts?” Tubbo asked, causing Tommy to start strangling him. “YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS MINECRAFT!?!? WE CAN’T JUST MAKE ARROWS”. Wilbur pulled the two kids apart, while Techno readied his bow. It seemed as though hope was lost, until they heard a human scream pierce over the sound of the dead. “Guys! Get over here!” a female voice called over from one of the closed shops. The iron doors of the shop began to rise, prompting action to be taken. Techno shot a bolt through the crowd, causing them to slightly separate, enough to where he could grab Tommy and run with him towards the entryway. Wilbur followed after, putting Tubbo on his shoulders and running through the crowds. Techno and Tommy had made it through, but a ghoul had grabbed onto Tubbo, attempting to pull him off. Aiming a shot, Techno knocked back the monster long enough for the two to run through the store. With a quick press of the massive red button, the iron gates hastily rushed back down, shielding the living from the dead. Everyone gasped for air, slumping down onto the ground. “So, Wilbur I have to ask, what are you doing here?”. Wilbur was taken aback, taking a good look at who had saved them. “N-Niki?” He could hardly believe his eyes, it was Niki. He ran over to give her a hug, Niki’s eyes widened from the sudden embrace. “A-are you okay?” she chuckled. “Yes, yes I am. It’s just been such a crazy night you have no idea how great it is to see you.” She laughed, looking at Tommy, Tubbo, and the terrifying pig creature in the store with her. Wilbur stepped back, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, I needed that. Now, what are you doing in a Florida mall after hours?” Niki chuckled, “I should be asking you the same thing, but I’ll explain first.” Everyone sat down at the back of the store, as Niki explained. “I came to visit some family members down here, and suddenly one of them got very Ill. I decided to take a job to get some extra money for the surgery bill. The manager tasked me to clean up after hours, so of course I did. Suddenly, something cold grabbed my head, and slammed it into the ground. When I woke up, I was surrounded by these demon things. I locked up the shop to save myself. Next thing I know, I hear you guys walking through. And here we are”. 

"Oh. Well we killed someone-'' Tommy blurts out, before Tubbo slaps his hand over his mouth. "Shut up Tommy!" He hisses. Niki looks very taken aback. "Ahem. What-?" Wilbur raises his voice above them. "It was Tommy's fault!" He exclaims. "Why would you kill someone!? That's horrid Tommy!" Niki gets upset. "We ran Quackity over!" Tubbo confesses, on the verge of tears. "WE BASHED A COPS HEAD IN..! AND LOCKED A COP IN A FREEZER!" Tommy cries out, collapsing to the ground in tears. "I set a Subway on fire. And a forest. And cut the powerlines out." Techno adds. "Can you guys fuckin' chill out!?" Wilbur groans. Niki kneels down next to Tommy and Tubbo. "Hey, take a minute to breathe okay?" Niki calms them both down. "What you did was… Absolutely terrible. But… I won't tell anyone. I get that it's probably causing you a lot of stress…" Niki comforts them. "So how are we supposed to escape the demon mall?" Wilbur changes the subject. "Niki." "Yes… What's your name?" She looks over at the bourgeois pig. "Technoblade. But Niki, do you have keys to any of the stores?". She reluctantly shook her head, “I only started working here a week or so ago, I don’t have high enough permits to have keys anywhere else”. Outside, the ghouls were starting to pile up on top of the gate, their screams silencing all other sounds. Tubbo pulled himself together, and formed a plan with what little tools they had. The store was a Hot Topic, very small and cramped. But one thing it did have was a surplus of tacky clothing. “Okay guys, I have an idea”, Tubbo announced to everyone in the store. He huddled everyone over to the very back of the store, where it was most quiet. He described his bizarre plan in immense detail, leading to confused looks on everyone’s faces. “So, Tubbo, what you’re saying is. We disguise ourselves as ghouls with the clothing in the store, and that will somehow trick them into thinking we’re one of them?” Wilbur asked with a pinch of skepticism. “Well the way I’m thinking, ghosts dress very emo anyways, so if we can look similar enough we should be able to blend in. Besides ghosts can’t be too smart anyways”. No one believed it would work, except for Technoblade. “I’m gonna be honest with you kid, I’ve never heard a better idea”. This made Tubbo very happy, though he still couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not. Tommy started grabbing the worst shirts they had, consisting of Nyan Cat propaganda and Panic! At the Disco band-tees. Niki gathered all the ripped jeans and plaid skirts available. Wilbur found the basket of pins and patches, one of them said “yaoi” in a Disney font. He didn’t know what that meant, and he didn’t want to know. Finally, Technoblade grabbed all the Five Nights at Freddy's plushies, strapping them to this back, he had a soft spot for Pigpatch. Now, they had the perfect arsenal against the undead.

Wilbur was covered head to toe in black and red clothing, a Mother Mother tee, two chains around his neck, a black beanie, ripped jeans, and resentment. Niki wore a floral jacket, with a gray undershirt covered in skulls, a brown satchel covered in various pins, and a plaid skirt. Tubbo wore an Attack on Titan tee, around six bracelets on his wrists, ripped jeans, and a bunny hat. Technoblade didn’t want to take off his robe or crown, so he just decked it out with tons of patches, each one worse than the last. Finally, Tommy had the last pick of clothes, so they were interesting, to say the least. A One Direction tee, cat ears, long socks, a long black skirt, and a Harry Potter backpack. “I really do feel like a lot of this stuff is unnecessary” Tommy grumbled under his breath. “Trust me Tommy, this is the alt lifestyle, and it could be much worse” Wilbur scoffed at him. Before Tommy could retort, Tubbo interrupted by declaring “alright! Is everyone ready to get out of here!” Tommy sighed, grabbing onto the backpack and ready to walk through the dead. Niki pushed the button, raising the gates to the Hot Topic. The husks stared them down, however after getting a good look they started to walk away. Tubbo was flabbergasted, “you know I have to be honest I didn’t think this was gonna work” he chuckled in disbelief. “You see, dead people dress better than the living, believe me I know” Technoblade said under his breath. Before anyone could question whether or not Techno was a zombie, they walked through the crowd. No one even batted an eye, showing Tubbo and Niki’s surprising expertise in alt clothing. Everything was going well, but as it always does, something had to go wrong. “Police! Everyone get down on the ground!” the shouts echoed. The three cops had finally caught up the trail, leading them to the mall. The ghouls laid down on the ground, making everyone else follow suit so as to not look suspicious. “Why are they listening to the cops?” Niki whispered to Techno. “Even the dead are afraid of cops Niki, what are you going to do against a man with a gun.” Luckily, the cops would have a hard time differentiating between the dead and the living, as they were all wearing the same clothing. Jschlatt’s voice pierced the loudest, “I demand to see the culps right now! If you come out, I won’t shoot”. Everyone made eye contacting, shaking their heads, there’s no way they were gonna give themselves up after they’ve made it this far. Tommy chuckled, “so Niki, how does it feel to be an accomplice?”. Niki’s eyes widened, not realizing that at this point she was also a criminal. Techno reassured her, “if it makes you feel any better, after this you won’t have to work here anymore.” He passed her his credit card, containing about 100,120$ in cash. There was no time to get emotional however, as the cops were slowly approaching, checking everyone on the ground. “So, who all are we looking for?” Karl asked above the crowd. “A tall British man, a smaller more British child, an even smaller also British child, and some sort of bird man” Schlatt responded. Techno realized what he meant, looking at the rip on his coat. “Well boys I think i’m the one who led them here” Techno whispered in an almost somber tone. “It’s alright Mr. Blade, they’ll never find us in this crowd” Wilbur smirked under his breath.

Even if the chances of recognizing them were slim, they were close enough to where their conversation was crystal clear. “Sir I don’t think we’re going to find them like this” Clay sighed, clearly tired from the searching already. “Look we’re doing this the easy way, if you want to do this the hard way all you have to do is ask” Jschlatt replied sarcastically. Rolling his eyes, Schlatt pulled out his pistol, shooting a shot into the air, knocking out an overhead light. The glass fell to the floor, raising many gasps among the crowd. “This next shot is gonna go into one of you if the culps don’t show themselves”. Tubbo knew that the ghosts wouldn’t be impacted, but he still wanted to reassure everyone else. “Don’t worry guys, we just need to stay quiet”. “WHAT WAS THAT?” Jschlatt raised his voice. “I heard one of you fucks just speak, you better come out!”. No one moved, holding their breaths. Clay and Karl walked over to Tubbo, leading Technoblade to initiate action. He stood up, yelling “the culprits are over there!” pointing behind them. Looking behind, everyone quickly rushed up and made a run to the exit. “YOU FUCKING DUMBASSES THEY’RE THE CULPS, GO GO GO!”. Karl attempted to fire a shot, but missed by a long margin, giving the crime boys+ one girl enough time to run past the crowd. Pushing through the giant glass doors, a chase scene was about to unfold.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still working on the textfic, don't worry, I just thought this would be pretty fun lol.


End file.
